It’s the type of lesson that you’re taught from all the way back in grade school. It’s accompanied by the likes of ‘do unto others as you would have them do unto you’ and ‘sharing is caring’ (two other phrases I could write essays about). However, this phrase always stuck out to me.
The reason for this is because it was always obvious to me that nobody actually follows this rule. The best example of what would happen if you did, to my knowledge at least, is Diogenes. For those unfamiliar, Diogenes was a Greek philosopher and all-around nutbag who was known for his rather unconventional way of living. I’ve noticed that people like to romanticize his life and message. There is a famous anecdote from a time that he was relaxing under the sunlight, when Alexander the Great approached him, aware of his infamy, and offered him any favor he wanted to ask. In response, Diogenes said: “Stand a little out of my sun”. This type of anecdote makes Diogenes seem like some uncaring badass, unimpressed by superficial displays of power and influence, but it leaves out the fact that Diogenes was socially completely alienated due to things like public masturbation, urinating on people (without their consent) and taking a shit on stage during a play. Diogenes’ philosophy leads him to defy social norms. This can happen in ways we can find impressive, like how he treated Alexander the Great, and ways we find unimpressive. But the main lesson here is that you cannot isolate either consequence. Both consequences derive from the same idea. I think it wouldn’t be inaccurate to say that he didn’t care what people thought of him, or at least that he didn’t yearn for their approval, but if this is the kind of life that attitude leads to then I’m not sure it’s worth following.
One day, I was discussing my plans for a performance with my piano teacher. He had an idea for something I could do, that I wasn’t too enthusiastic about. When he asked why, I told him that it was because I thought other people would think it’s weird or stupid. Impassioned, he told me not to care what other people think of my performance and to do what was most true to me. Hearing that, I felt immediately inspired to go against the grain of public performance and give the audience something they wouldn’t soon forget. However, immediately after another thought occurred to me. “Why do I now feel this way? Do I just want to go against the mainstream to get the approval of my piano teacher now?” I realized there was no way out of this paradox. If I did what was socially acceptable, I would be doing it for the audience’s approval. If I did what was unorthodox, I would be doing it to get my piano teacher’s approval. There was absolutely no way for me to decide what I wanted to do in isolation. This wasn’t the first or the last time this popped into my head. No matter what I did, I would do it knowing that other people know I’m doing it and that that affects their opinion of me. It’s impossible for me to become completely uncompromised by this information.
I can’t count the amount of times I’ve wanted to send someone a text and hesitated because I wasn’t sure if the content of the text was right, because I didn’t think the time of day was right for the text, because I thought it would be too soon since the last text, or any other of a million insecurities. I don’t really experience it anymore. Because I realized that I wouldn’t care about any of these things, and you’d be stupid to. If someone would be genuinely upset about it, then I suppose we’re just not very compatible. I’m not going to tell you not to care what people think. Instead, I’m going to tell you to evaluate first whether someone’s opinion is worthy of you caring about it. Don’t try to impress people who don’t impress you and CERTAINLY never take a shit in the theatre.
